The Magical Day We Met Arlo Grey

Darling Arlo,

A little over a year ago (at 12:44 a.m. on 11/20/2018) we had the great pleasure and honor of meeting you. Our lives haven’t been the same since and there’s even more laughter and joy within the walls of our home and our hearts than ever before. Thank you for being you and for entering the world with mercy and efficiency, I’ll never stop thanking you for the way you were born.

Here’s how it happened: A few weeks before your due date (11/19) I began having regular contractions. I timed them and they were lasting 1 minute and occurring every 3 minutes. This went on for 20 minutes so I phoned our amazing Doula, Cyndi. She told me to drink some water and lie down to see if they stopped. Sure enough, they did. Life went on and the due date approached and I continued to have bouts of regular contractions that were close together but not painful in any way. I didn’t have this experience with Aida so it was confusing.

The week leading up to the due date I found myself feeling restless and ready to meet you. Due to numerous wildfires, the air quality was extremely unhealthy so we had to stay indoors. I went for walks at the mall and the museum and made laps and laps throughout our house to try to induce labor. Your dad and sister and I also spent a lot of time sitting in the dining room working on puzzles together. In the evenings, I’d stand up and sway my hips while reading Harry Potter aloud and you’d kick and move and squirm. Aida enjoyed seeing you bouncing around in my belly.

On 11/19th, I started having regular contractions again around 3:30 pm. Since they weren’t uncomfortable, I continued on with our plans and took Aida to a birthday party at Wacky Tacky at 5:30. I had contractions the whole time at the party and said many times that I hoped I’d get to meet you that night. The other moms at the party were excited and surprised that I was at a birthday party but I had experienced contractions so often that I figured unless there was pain, I probably wasn’t in true labor.

Aida and I made our way home that evening at 7:30 and had dinner with your dad. We put Aida to bed around 9:00 and then I texted the Doula to let her know that I had been having contractions again but it was “probably nothing” and then I laid down in the bed next to your daddy and gave myself a pep talk, aloud “you know, there’s nothing I need to do. I don’t need to get the contractions going or keep them going, the baby will come when the baby is ready, I just need to relax.” Seriously, in less than 2 minutes, I felt this internal “slamming” feeling which HURT! Your dad even heard it! I buried my head in your dad’s chest and said “I think my water just broke.” Sure enough, it had. I think you must have kicked off the side of my uterus with your feet and slammed your head down… it got the job done!

I called the Doula to let her know that my water had broken and she congratulated me “you aren’t going to be pregnant forever!” I drank a glass of water and smiled and smiled and smiled. I knew I’d be meeting you soon.

I phoned the midwives and told them I’d be coming in but wanted to take a shower first. “Don’t dilly dally” the nurse said. We woke up your sister around 10:30 and told her it was time to go to the birthing center. She and your dad helped me breathe through a few intense contractions at home and several in the car. Aida told us she “had adrenaline” and her legs “won’t stop moving” while we were driving to Davis. There were more contractions in the parking lot, where the Doula met us at 11:40pm.

 

By 12:00 am on 11/20 we were checked in and I asked them to fill the birthing tub with water. The midwife wanted to see how far I’d progressed and asked me to lie on the bed. I did not want to lay down for any reason. You see, I had a very slow labor with your sister and experienced “back labor” and therefore I had worked very hard to keep you in the ideal position for labor and had avoided lying on my back for any reason. She was persistent so I agreed to let her examine me and was BUMMED big time when she said “I can’t see much, so it’s going to be awhile.” I felt instantly deflated since I thought labor had come on so quickly and strongly. They encouraged me to take another shower instead of getting in the tub since labor would probably “take awhile.” I felt irritated (an important sign of labor) and told them I had just taken a shower but “ok, I guess I’ll take another one.”

The doula sat outside of the shower, your sister looked on saying ‘you can do this mom,” and your dad applied warm water to my back. I felt the intensity of the contractions pick up significantly and I was becoming breathless and worried and felt concerned about whether your sister was going to be okay if she saw me in lots of pain. I kept asking “is Aida ok?” and everyone reassured me she was totally fine. It’s telling that even when a mother is experiencing the most intense pain of her life, she can hold concern for her children at the forefront of her mind and heart.

Less than 20 minutes later (still standing in the corner of the tiny shower trying to get up onto my tippy toes to somehow get away from the pain) I told Cyndi (the doula) that I had changed my mind, I wasn’t going to be able to handle this intense labor for much longer so I wanted the epidural. She said my body was working so effectively to birth the baby and I reminded her that the midwife said “it would be awhile.” She looked me in the eyes and said “she said she couldn’t see much, so she doesn’t actually know, but I’ve attended over 1,000 births and I can tell you this is progressing quickly.” I kept breathing and enduring nonstop contractions and nausea and within 5 minutes I told her again that I wanted the epidural immediately. I asked her to “tell the nurses I’m serious and they need to help me right away!” She agreed to do so and turned to leave the room.

-Sidenote: the reality is that I hadn’t been hooked up to any IVs or anything so I would have had to have fluids for an hour before even getting the epidural… I knew this very well from my experience with Aida so I couldn’t fathom how I’d be able to endure another hour+ of the intensity of the contractions.

Then, as Cyndi turned to leave the room, without any warning, my body started to push. I bolted from the shower and ran to the bed where Cyndi was somehow waiting with a warm towel? I still have no clue where she got the towel so quickly. Magic I guess. I held Cyndi in a headlock and closed my eyes while your dad was by my side offering so much encouragement. I was mostly quiet other than a few breathy “Jesus, Lord, please help me, someone help me.” I never even pushed. It seemed like you were so eager to join us, you just transitioned out of your first home and into the world in less than 5 minutes like a freight train while I tried to breathe and slow you down a bit.

When you were born, your sister announced “It’s a boy!” and we were all so shocked! We just assumed we were having another girl. As your daddy said, “we didn’t even know we wanted a son until we met you.” I thanked you over and over for “not taking all day” and told you I’d forever be grateful to you for coming so quickly and you laid on my chest, nursed right away, and I was up and moving around in less than an hour.

Your birth was incredible. It was fast and your family was there. I felt strong and cared for. Your daddy took amazing care of us for weeks afterward and our friends brought food to us which supported us on so many levels. Each time I think back to your birth, I’m astounded that it all unfolded within minutes of my surrendering to the process and letting go of the timeline.

We headed home 24 hours later (at midnight) so we could settle in to our own beds. We were all so energized and full of life on that ride home and we spent the next days holding you and marveling over you and having the best (Whole Foods catered) Thanksgiving ever!

Honestly, we’ve marveled over you everyday thereafter. You are exquisite, Arlo, in every sense of the word. We love you more than words can say.

Love,

Mama